Last April 2019, I found myself in the ER twice in two consecutive days. The first night, I drove myself to the ER (I have this thing where I really don’t like to inconvenience people, so though two of my brothers were home, I didn’t want to wake them up to go to the ER with me. Even people that I know deeply love me, I always feel the need to not inconvenience them. I know this is not good, but it’s just the way I am for now;). Anyway, after my first trip to the ER, I found myself at 4 am at the pharmacy picking up my medicine. Long story short, the medicine I was prescribed didn’t work. So the following night I drove with my brother to the ER (he couldn’t let me go by myself again, he wondered why I didn’t tell him the night before and I told him, you know, that he was asleep and I didn’t want to wake him up.) This second night, I was in so much pain and really felt helpless. I remember sitting at one of the hospital beds, just begging God for help because the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, all the tests that I did, came back negative. I was desperate for any medicine to stop the pain because all the prescribed medicine wasn’t working.

Through.

God is not in the business of keeping us from suffering and tribulations, He is in the business of changing us through everything. John 16:33 tells us: “In the world, you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world”.

Even for us Christ-followers, pain does come, suffering does come, and yes tribulations do come too. But we must stand different from unbelievers in these hard times. Why? Because we know without a shadow of a doubt our God NEVER changes. And God will never change His mind about His sons and daughters. And yes, these truths don’t change the fact that we experience heart-wrenching moments, but we know the end for us: Being seated in Heaven with our Savior.

Beyond Despair

I don’t know if you know this but God is not afraid of you telling Him how you feel. One adjective that I think of when I think of Christianity is wholeheartedness. God wants your whole heart, not 99.1% of your heart, but 100% of your heart. O God, I am so thankful that You are a Father to us, that there is never, ever anything that I should keep from You. Nothing is hidden from Your sight anyways. So God I pray that I will always bring everything to You, the good, the bad, and the ugly of my frail heart. You are the Great Physician and I know, my heart, my life, and everything that I am are forever safe in Your hands. And only in Your hands.

Have you ever found yourself beyond despair? A circumstance that first leaves you in despair but then before you know it, you are beyond despair? Last year, after my two trips to the ER, I had all types of medicines: literally, one medicine made me not sleep and the other was supposed to help me sleep among my other medicines. I remember one afternoon, just literally crying out to God and I couldn’t come up with words to pray. Two trips at the ER felt useless since I was literally getting worse, and that one afternoon I just simply despaired.

I was reading the below words and I can’t truly explain what I felt.

“Therefore I will not restrain my mouth;
I will speak in the anguish of my spirit;
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
Am I the sea, or a sea monster,
That you set a guard over me?
When I say, ‘My bed will comfort me,
And my couch will ease my complaint,
Then you scare me with dreams
And terrify me with visions,
So that I would choose strangling
And death rather than my bones.
I loathe my life; I would not live forever.
Leave me alone, for my days are a breath.
What is man, that you make so much of him,
And that you set your heart on him,
Visit him every morning
And test him every moment?
How long will you not look away from me,
Nor leave me alone till I swallow my spit?
If I sin, what do I do to you, you watcher of mankind?
Why have you made me your mark?
Why have I become a burden to you?
Why do you not pardon my transgression
And take away my iniquity?
For now, I shall lie in the earth;
You will seek me, but I shall not be” (Job 7:11-21).

Job was in beyond despair and He lays out all the turmoil in his heart to God. Please, bring all that goes into your heart to God. Let God crucify whatever needs to be crucified in your heart and let Him also resurrect whatever needs to be resurrected in your heart as well. God doesn’t not require us to sing “happy songs” whenever we are in despair. He wants to walk with us. So when we are in despair, we bring to God the despair we are feeling.

It was God’s perfect and righteous will for Job to go through the pain he had to go through.

Through.

God’s kingdom to come

Do you know the why of God in everything?

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:9-10).

God’s why in everything is for His kingdom to come and His will to be done every millisecond of time. And this means that God will allow us to walk in suffering if and only if this suffering is necessary to advance His Kingdom and His will. We should all know this deep down in our hearts: God is a purposeful God and if we are in His will we can always rest assured that no pain, no suffering, “nor anything can separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:39). Our suffering is never random. Our pain is never purposeless.

Do you remember the beginning of the book of Job? It says this: “There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil” (Job 1:1)

The Bible says Satan is the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who relentlessly accuses us day and night before our God (Revelation 12:10). And this is exactly what Satan did in the presence of God, he maliciously accused Job this: “Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face” (Job 1:9-11).

Through.

Whatever you are going through, please keep trusting God, never cease to bring Him your whole heart. There is always, always more going on than what your eyes can see. Job saw His suffering but there was more that was going on Heaven than just his suffering. Heaven was cheering for Job because Satan must always be reminded that his lies will always fall flat. “And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited Me against him to destroy him without reason” (Job 2:3-4).

How we walk through the fires of life is very, very important. When we keep our faith in God, we reinforce the truth that darkness always loses. Always. Darkness always loses. And Satan knows, in no time, his time will be finally up.

“Then I heard a triumphant voice in heaven proclaiming:

“Now salvation and power are set in place,
and the kingdom reign of our God
and the ruling authority of his Anointed One
are established.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who relentlessly accused them
day and night before our God,
has now been defeated —cast out once and for all!

They conquered him completely
through the blood of the Lamb
and the powerful word of his testimony.
They triumphed because they did not love and cling
to their own lives, even when faced with death.

So rejoice, you heavens,
and every heavenly being!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
for the devil, has come down to you
with great fury because he knows
his time is short.”’ Revelation 12:10-12

Our King is coming. Let’s steadfastly wait for Him in wholehearted devotion, trust, and faith.